Note to self: Never feel bad for putting your safety first, even if you have to be rude!

I have been sharing with you about my online dating experiences and I wanted to share with you an experience that I had that was actually quite frightening. In the event that someone else experiences this, they will know what I did in my situation.

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It was a weekday and I decided that I was going to go out to the bar by myself and have a drink. I had previously been talking online with a guy I will call Hyde that I meet through a dating app. We had normal daily chit chat here and there about life and we had become FaceBook friends. Hyde was divorced, employed, had two kids and a clean criminal record.

On this particular night, he sent me a Facebook message like normal and I told him I was going to go have a drink. I told him he was happy to join me but I wasn’t going to be out late as I had to work the next day. So we made plans to meet at a bar that I knew the bartender and I felt comfortable. Upon arriving to my destination, I had received a message from him asking me to come to a different bar approximately 15 miles away (in another State that my State borders) that was a block from his house because he was concerned about police.

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I told him that I wasn’t comfortable going to another bar that I wasn’t familiar with and where I wouldn’t know any one but he was free to join me at the bar I was already at or he could enjoy the rest of his night. When I asked him about his comment about the police, his friend had just gotten a DUI so he was just concerned. Okay, fair enough……..

We are both sitting at the bar, having a drink, socializing, and he orders a vodka tonic, and another, and another, and another and then is wanting to do shots with me. I politely decline, knowing that I have to drive home and I have to work the next day and I’m still on my first and only drink of the night. This is when the night starts to deteriorate rapidly….

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After Mr. Hyde’s six vodka tonics and his Fireball shots, he becomes “Mr. Just Relax and Have Fun with Me”. When that tactic doesn’t work, he becomes “Mr. Very Hands On”. I, politely but firmly,  tell him not to touch me again and I get up and move two seats away from him. Now Mr. Hyde becomes “Mr. Not Taking No For An Answer” and proceeds to bear hug so hard that I couldn’t breathe. This guy is showing me he doesn’t respect by boundaries, he’s strong, he’s intoxicated and I’m scared. He finally excuses himself to go to the bathroom and I’m thinking now is the time to run but I know my car is parked in the back parking lot where it’s dark. So, I signal for the female bartender and tell her to not serve him anymore as he is being a major jerk. Trying to be the badass that I am, I don’t tell her that I’m afraid to leave or ask her to help me. Please don’t do this, please tell someone what is going on, especially if you are scared to leave. Don’t be ashamed or afraid! He turns out of the bathroom and tries to order another drink and this time the bartender cuts him off, tells him he pay his tab and it’s time for him to go. Thankfully, he doesn’t argue with her and before he walks out the door he whispers down in my ear that he will be waiting for me outside in his truck.

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At this point, I am thankful that he has finally left and he messages me to again come out to this truck. I totally ignore his message and I sit inside the bar for several more minutes trying to decide how I’m going to leave. It is now 11:30 pm and I really need to get home but I know my car is parked in the back lot. Finally, after ten minutes, I swallow my pride and tell the bartender that I am afraid to leave as I think the guy may be waiting outside for me. At this point,  there are only two other male patrons in the bar. The bartender goes out and says it looks like the coast is clear and she and the two other male patrons walk me to to my car. As I get into my car, a truck pulls around from behind the bar and the male patrons stop the truck and I leave the bar checking all the way home that I am not being followed.

I admit that this experience has opened my eyes more to the dangers of online dating. In the future, I will be parking as close to the entrance as possible and making sure the parking area is well lit. I also won’t wait so long to tell the bartender that I was uncomfortable and scared.

Right now, I am very thankful that I didn’t meet him at the bar he suggested!!!

Until Next Time!!!!!!

XOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXO

 

50 First Dates….the theme of my week!

I have been sharing my experiences with online dating starting with Are Book Boyfriends Dangerous to your Dating Life?, which brings me to this post. A great movie came out in 2004 starring Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler called 50 First Dates. If you have not watched it, I highly recommend it. The movie is about Henry Roth (Adam Sandler) is a man afraid of commitment up until he meets the beautiful Lucy (Drew Barrymore). They hit it off and Henry think he’s finally found the girl of his dreams, until he discovers she has short-term memory loss and forgets him the next day. So every day he has to win her over and get a first date, which brings me to my week of my own 50 First Dates.

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For a girl that initially loathes first dates, I started looking at online dating with a different perspective and started using the tips and techniques I have learned in the books, Men Don’t Love Women Like You by G.L. Lambert and Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov (My book review will be coming soon!), and I am actually starting to enjoy this process.

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Since I already know that I am the bomb diggity and one hell of a catch, I don’t need to prove myself to any man but he needs to prove himself Wanda Worthy, which is no easy task!  The process starts like this: we start with the initial chat stage on the site, moving then to exchange of numbers, phone conversation and the planning of a “meet and greet”.

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A “meet and greet” is where we just initially meet, check for chemistry and then I decide if he is “Wanda Worthy” for an official first date. Meet and greets always happen in public places, I always drive myself and are limited to ninety minutes. As a single working mom with older kids that can stay home alone, this allows me to utilize my babysitter for longer subsequent dates. Win, Win!!!!

It is amazing what you can tell by a man just by what he choses for the first initial meet and greet. I have experienced the following acceptable meets:  the walk the river, the adult beverage bar, and the coffeehouse meet. That brings us to the “You just got your a$$ deleted” meets: the come by my house, the I will come over to your house, and the where can we have sex meet. Deleted, end of story.

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On the walk the river meet, we had Allen the Aviator. He was age appropriate, no kids, and retired from the military. Great conversation but was very Type A so I passed on him.

On the coffeehouse meet, we had Fabio the Floor Guy. He was age appropriate, no kids, Romanian with a sexy European accent, very attractive but he eventually wanted kids so I passed on him. Side note: Had I been in the market for a little bedroom fun, he would have been my choice!! 

Lastly,  the adult beverage bar meet with Coach Carter. He was age appropriate, has kids, employed, very attractive, and I actually liked this guy. We went out on three different times. Dates with him were different, they were natural, playful and FUN. I could be my silly self just so I could hear his adorable laugh and he was happy to oblige. But what did I do? I’ll tell you what I did! I got scared of being rejected and I pushed him away. Yes, I did. I let my fear of rejection control me.

WHY!?!? WHY?!? WHY!?!

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With that major slip up, I must go on and the search continues with tonight’s next meet and greet.

I can already hear RuPaul in my head…..

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Until Next Time!!!!!

XOXOXOXOOXOXOXOOXO

Men Don’t Love Women Like You by G.L. Lambert Book Review

I have been having a great time with online dating as per my previous post, Is Romance only in Books? Where have all the good men gone?  so I thought I would do a book review on a book that I read called  Men Don’t Love Women Like You: The Brutal Truth about Dating, Relationships, and How to Go from Placeholder to Game Changer by G.L. Lambert.

Here is a partial summary of the book taken from Amazon.com, if this does not grab your attention…….

Men Don t Love Women Like You, is a brutally honest manual that will transform you from typical to priceless. The secrets in this book will guide you step by step as you learn what men think, how to counter their Bullsh*t, and the exact ways to turn the table in your favor. No matter who the man is, how young, old, rich, or popular he may be, this book will show you how to attain power over him. From the first meeting to the first date. From a new relationship hitting its first bump to an old relationship on its last legs. You will learn to dominate men in ways you never dreamed of. You will become what you were always meant to be A Goddess in the flesh.

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Now, this book appealed to me because I am a straight forward, tell it like it is, not going to sugar coat it kind of girl. So this book was right up my alley according to the summary of the book on Amazon. Now mind you, I am not young so I have been to the circus and have seen the show so I was not expecting this book to teach me anything I did not already know, but was I WRONG!!!

The book is basically divided into two sections: the first being get your own sh!t straight before dating. Be honest with yourself and your issues, stop blaming your problems on your parents, your friends, the mailman, etc, really work through your past, comes to terms and move on empowered. Now, I am a true believer in this process and I have done the work on myself but it was nice to have a reminder and the opportunity to touch base again. This section is very helpful in how to go through that process.

The second section of the book is where the party gets started and explains how to be a “Goddess in the flesh”, how to date in “Sparta”, with the benefit of a man’s point of view, which I found very beneficial. You learn how specifically the first and second dates should go, how to be a game changer and to always put yourself before any man.

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Overall, the book provides great insight to the male mind during the dating process, how to date smart and to get what you really want in a relationship long term. This book would be a great read at any age, especially if you are wanting a long term relationship. I also recommend reading this book slowly and reading it more than once. It is worth it! For the love, please don’t ever sleep with a man on the first date!!!

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I purchased this book from Amazon and it can be found here.

P.S.  Wish my luck on my first date tonight using what I learned in this book!! Update to follow!!!!

Until Next Time!!!

XOXOXOOXOXOXOXO

Is Romance only in Books? Where have all the good men gone?

In my last post, Are Book Boyfriends Dangerous to your Dating Life, I shared my quest for finding my “true to life book boyfriend” through online dating. Now, I admit my standards are pretty high since I’ve been living vicariously though romance novels the last few years.  Who hasn’t gotten caught up in a great story or even a movie? Did not everyone enjoy when Edward came back at the end of Pretty Woman and rescued Vivian and she rescued him right back? Sniff, sniff…. Am I the only one that gave a fleeting thought to running out to California and becoming a hooker to find my Edward?

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Yes, I understand that romance books are fiction and romantic movies are no where close to reality but didn’t authors have to experience at least some truth in their books? From my recent online dating experience, I’m thinking I have been duped and romance is only found in books.

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Since my previous posts, I have gone out on dates with three different gentlemen, and by gentlemen I am using the term loosely.  Let’s call guy one, Paul the prison guard.

Paul the prison guard initiated contact with me with the basic “you are beautiful classic pick up line. No points for creativity but I’m new on the dating scene and he wasn’t bad looking. So, why not? After conversing with Paul, I learned he works as a prison guard at a correctional facility (employed, bonus). In his 30’s, never been married and no children (yellow flag for me), owns his own home and vehicle (so far so good). Paul is doing a great job of making me safe with meeting him in a public place so we set up a date.

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After getting over those first date jitters, we have nice casual conversation discussing our careers. I work as criminal defense paralegal and he’s a prison guard, so our conversation was quite humorous.  Attraction, chemistry, great conversation, excellent food, the ambiance, the wine, …and then the proposal. Wait, What? Isn’t this date one? Proposal? Slam on the brakesSlow down bud! 

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Okay……. maybe, I jumped to conclusions, he did say proposal, but it wasn’t that “type” of proposal.  His proposal was even more mind boggling. Yes, he was on a dating site but what he was looking for a friend. Side note: I reread his profile and he did state he was looking for long term relationship. Let me clarify a little more, a friend WITH BENEFITS, and he wasn’t referring to a date watching the romantic comedy, Friend with Benefits, which probably would have been a better way to approach this, but I digress. Just in case, you don’t know what a friend with benefits is, let me explain. A friend with benefits is a sexual relationship with someone you don’t have any emotional ties or commitment with. Essentially, getting the milk without even feeding or caring about the cow.

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How could a girl possibly say no to that wonderful, heartfelt romantic proposal? Just in case you are wondering, I did say no to that romantic dessert proposal. On a positive note, I do give the guy kudos for his honesty and that’s one requirement I did list that I wanted in a man. He certainly meet that!

Not to be deterred, I set back on my quest and was contacted by guy two, who I’ll call, Frank the fireman. You guessed it, Frank is a employed as a fireman in the city where I work (convenient). He’s attractive, good career, divorced, has children, own home, etc. Definite potential with this fella!

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A few days pass of texting and chatting on the phone, mostly, while he is at work (red flag, self) . I am anxiously waiting for his next day off from work as I’m ready to meet this hottie. His first day off from work comes and goes with no mention of a date or even a phone call. Second day off work comes and goes without a phone call but a few intermittent text. Now, I have to give this guy the benefit of the doubt, as I don’t expect him to drop everything on his first days off after we started talking, he has his kiddos on his days off, errands to run, etc. , totally understandable. However, the pattern continues once he returns to work, texting and chatting on the phone with still no mention of a date. So, finally, I give some subtle hints as we are less than a mile from each other and it would be nice to say hello in person. “Am I being unreasonable here?” His next days off are almost here so I take the initiative of mentioning a possible meeting during his days off. His reply……. dead silence.

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The dead silence continues until, you guessed it, he returns to work. Yes, I get it, he clearly works too hard and I need to be understanding of his radio silence during his days off, clearly, he’s busy sleeping! But then, I remember a book that I read, He’s Not that Interested, He’s Just Passing Time, and it finally occurs to me, maybe, HE’S MARRIED!!!

No one saw that coming, I know, I know.

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Was he married?  If he was, he clearly wasn’t going to tell me the truth and that was enough for me to get out of the sandbox. I want a single man, not just a man that thinks he’s single because that’s what he marks on his federal income tax, S-I-N-G-L-E. PERIOD. I ceased all communication with him and haven’t heard from him since. Ironically, a few days ago, I ran into my best friend from high school whose husband is a firefighter who just happens to work with Mr. Married Fireman Fred! Yep, married!

Let chalk this week up to a learning opportunity as they say you have to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince, right? Or is this online dating just a romantic comedy in the making? Has anyone personally found love online? Please leave me a comment if you have!

Until next time!

XXXXOOOOOOO

 

Are Book Boyfriends Dangerous to your Dating Life?

So as many of you may know, I am an avid romance novel reader and reviewer. After my divorce, reading romance novels provided with a wide array of book boyfriends without the risk of heartbreak.  I could easily fall in love with a plethora of men in the comfort of my own home and not feel guilty about it.

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After a couple hundred relationships with my book boyfriends, I decided it is time to venture out into the dating world. Now, I have to admit my standards are going to be quite high; especially, since my past book boyfriends consisted of:  Christian Gray (Fifty Shades), Gideon Cross (Crossfire series), Hudson Pierce (Fixed Series), Damien Stark (Stark Trilogy), Nathan Moore (Pulse Series) and, of course, I was #teamedward (Twilight Series)….. Sensing the trend here?

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As I am 42-years-old with a full-time job, kids, and a house to run, I am venturing into the world of online dating. Hey, all the cool kids are doing it. My profile is all set up on three different dating sites. My requirements are laid in stone and I’m ready to being chapter one.

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My quest to find my “true to life book boyfriend” has begun!

To be continued…………..